the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

Duck!! No It’s Not It’s A Pigeon

I was minding my own business in the office. All was quiet. Just the murmur of voices and the odd telephone ring when… BANG and then 5 seconds later BANG.

I jumped out of my skin, BB’s 1 and 2 both yelped like little girls and Sourpuss dropped her coffee on her keyboard and screamed like the victim of a trainee Moyl with a blunt knife.

“What the fuck was that?” I exclaimed.

Head shakes and shrugs all round (standard operating practice in my office).

“That” turned out to be two pigeons flying headlong into the window. They were out cold on the window sill beaks agape with the odd twitch in the wing feather.

Alongside the fallen was a trio of their flying vermin tribe just looking them and then each other. Then with a pigeon version of a shake of the head and a ruffle of greasy oil-slick feathers they were off. I swear I heard one give a disparaging “fu-cooo” as he dropped out of sight. It would seem even pigeons can be ashamed of each other. Who would ‘ve thought.

We returned to work leaving BB1, who’s desk is nearest the window, on pigeon watch. The first came too about 3 minutes later and staggered to the edge and fell off, we are presuming he managed to fly. The second took a couple more minutes and is still on the sill as i type.

It’s not often I laugh at anything said in my office but shortly after the incident Sourpuss was mopping up spilled coffee and experimentally tapping keys on her drenched keyboard when she sat down and said, “Christ, look at me. I’m shaking like a dog with the shits!”

Very funny. 😆


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