the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

But Scunthorpe United are playing dear…

The Sex Inspectors.

A very strange programme. I can’t help but wonder why anyone would do that. Actually allow themselves to be filmed in the bedroom for the nation to watch. And not only that but to talk so frankly about their sex lives. Sure, go to a therapist because they clearly need it but to go on TV? It’s just weird in my book. Though it was funny and mind boggling to watch.

For those of you who don’t know, it was on Channel 4 or 5 I can’t remember now and features couples with sex based relationship problems. Two sex inspectors watch them, analyse their problems and then get them to open up (pardon the pun).

This opening up largely features the introduction of sex toys, and masturbatory technique lessons for the ladies and cunnilingus pointers for the lads with the odd bit of bondage thrown in for good measure.

Also some self awareness jargonese psycho-babble so they become confident to touch and kiss etc. I don’t have a problem with it at all I just cannot fathom how people who are so un-confident in themselves and enjoy such a poor sex life due mainly too their own ineptitude want to air these failings on national TV.

Last nights’ couple were a mess of a relationship. The woman was old beyond her years and the bloke was an overbearing, childish bully. What amazed me was when they were having sex, from getting into bed until penetration took only four minutes. Yes you read that right FOUR minutes. And then, unbelievably, after just TWO minutes of actual sex they were finished. And ladies, I know you are shaking your heads at that thinking it’s got to last longer but it gets worse. It stopped because the guy interrupted the sex so he could turn the TV on to watch the… FOOTBALL! Yes the football. He actually only shagged for two minutes. He didn’t even go ’til he finished.

Incomprehensible. Enola Gay and I have our fights and our problems but our sex life has never suffered. Thank God.

All was well at the end, they found that they had sexually compatible desires and after he left a trail of Polaroid photos up the stairs for her to find after work and they had a night of passion, he proposed. I’m not entirely sure this is a good idea, but hey who am I to judge. 😆

The reason I write this is that for one I thought it was funny and so horribly sad that sex can actually be that bad and for two, because when Sourpuss brought it up and we professed disbelief that sex could last for 2 minutes and then stop for football, BB1 and BB2 stopped their arguing over who was the most scared during the Pigeon Incident and said they didn’t see the problem.

“It might have been an important match,” said BB2.

I like football but having my balls played with is much better . I am amazed there are men out there like that! I feel sorry for their wives and girlfriends.

Watch the Sex Inspectors, you’ll laugh and it’ll make you feel lucky. Or if you are one of those unfortunates at least you’ll know you’re not alone.


2 Responses to “But Scunthorpe United are playing dear…”

  1. It’s so creepy! Gah. Some people must know the people who go on it. Some of them have children! Who will grow up and watch it! It’s so very wrong.

    And it’s Channel 4, a ridiculous amount at the moment for some reason.

  2. Yeah it’s been on all week. I thought the same thing last night, they interviewed a previous couple and they said when we watched it back with friends and family… WTF?

    And they were worried that the woman came across (poor pun) as a bitch, not that their folks just saw them shagging and whipping and their extensive rubber toy collection! AND THEIR SEX CHAIR!

    Very odd people. Gah indeed!

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