the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

Coming Soon To A Screen Near You

Who out there has a TV channel called True Movies? Why do I ask? Because I love the over dramatic titles of these invariably shite films. I hasten to say I don’t watch the movies unless I’m either a: drunk or b: up late and very very tired c: more bored than is physically possible. Honest. Don’t look at me that way, it’s the truth.

Anyway these are some that are on today alone:

  • Broken Pledges
  • Why My Daughter?
  • Final Justice
  • Shattered Hearts
  • A Fight For Justice
  • Deceived By Trust
  • Who Will Love My Children

Works of genius I’m sure you’ll agree. Generally speaking they star no one of note, the same old faces crop up again and again, although Kirsten Dunst was in one as a young girl though I can’t recall the name right now.

What I can’t help, is to imagine them with a Hollywood makeover; big budget, CGI, ‘A’ list stars and of course the pre-requisite voice over by Don la Fontaine. Just imagine it:

montage of slow mo shots of anguished cast (muted instrumental score throughout)


Love scene teaser

Courtroom with impassioned, fist clenched argument


voice-over begins


“One Family. One Town. One Injustice. One Outcome!”

heavy rock music score, fast drum beat

Scenes of running and fighting – Crying children

Music finishes with high pitched note

voice-over continues

“Tom Cruise, Arnold Schwarzennegger, Sigourney Weaver, Angelina Jolie, Milla Jovovich and Jean Claude Van Damme in an all star cast bring this explosive must-see movie to a cinema screen near you.”

“A Fight For Justice – You wont just cry – the tears will be jerked from your broken, wasted body!”

“Out March 18th – rated 18

contains scenes of violence, nudity and grave peril”

black screen

graphics appear

a Bruckheimer Production

Directed by John Woo


What do you think? A True Movie to watch? Come up with your own True Movie Hollywood makeover! It’s actually fun. 🙂


10 Responses to “Coming Soon To A Screen Near You”

  1. kirsten dunst was in ’15 and pregnant’ – do you know nothing!?!? 😆

    My fella and I also look at this channel just to laugh at the titles… funny..

    wouldn’t want anyone to think that I was actually watching them *ahem*

  2. I think I really am missing out with my limited tv capacities. ‘Deceived by trust’? Sounds fantastic!!

  3. Nutty: Apparently I do know nothing.I knew she was in it but not what the movie was. I’m sure you don’t watch them anymore than I do.

    Fi: You are definitely missing out. It’s not the watching, it’s spotting the most over blown, over dramatic title you can that counts. Deceived By Trust is a particularly good one. Get the channel, get it get it get it.

    Or nnot it’s up to you

  4. Ohh my. I can’t believe I missed ‘Like Normal People.’ I can look at the listings on the internet and not have to get sky! Hurrah!

  5. Ah, there’s some thinking! The titles are best cos you can make up the story. ‘Like Normal People’ sounds like a weird one. The story of a 5 headed child’s struggle in a 1 headed world! Ooh

  6. you…. are just weird 🙂

  7. Hee. And at the end? The moral would be something very very deep. Like my own pet hate epiphany, “there is NO SUCH THING as normal.” And we’d all feel immensely at ease with ourselves and .. stuff. Ok. Thought too much about these crap films now, methinks!

  8. Last night we were watching something we had TIVO’d and hubby said that pretty soon shows will have to advertise that they were NOT a Jerry Bruckheimer prodution.

  9. LOL. I watched two things on TV last night in a row that I noticed were Bruckheimer productions so he may well be right. It’s the Bruckheimerisation of TV. 🙂

  10. I agree with you that True Movies (AKA Weepy Women) is fairly horrible. It’s aimed primarily for menopausal women… like my mum who watches it! 😀

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