the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

I’m A Bilateral Employment Synthesist (& a part-time Visual Representation Engineer)… What Are You?

Unbelievably, Littleboy has got a job! 😮 He is… drum roll please… a ‘Day Replenishment Customer Assistant’ at Tesco. In other words he’s a shelf stacker. I and Enola Gay are still dumbfounded by his decision to work. Up until now I had assumed it was against his religion but I think alcohol and girls and the fact that both require money are the cause for his new-found desire to become an earning member of society.

I’m not complaining. It means I have to give him less and he’s out of the house. Let the customers of Tesco put up with his morose mumbling and spotty scowl. I make him sound bad… and he is but he is (I like to imagine) no different from other boys his age. But, seriously, whatever gets him out of the house for a while.

To be honest, I think it’s good that he went out and got the job. Maybe it’s a sign of changes to come. Will we soon have a new, improved socially acceptable Littleboy? I’m having visions of him washing, himself and his clothes. Taking an interest in the world. Maybe even the possibility of University? Will he come downstairs for a night out, suited and booted as he heads off to take his girlfriend (STD free) to a restaurant or cinema without the company of his ASBO collecting school friends? Is he, and I hesitate to ask this lest I raise my hopes, growing up?

One other thing. ‘Day Replenishment Customer Assistant’? Is that necessary? Just call a spade a spade. Do jobs like this need the blurb? We all know what they are, has anyone turned up for work and actually been surprised?

A man shows up for work in his new job as a “Regional Food Outsourcer for On-Demand Client Base” and is amazed to discover he has to mount a moped and deliver pizzas to any bugger who rings up!? I think not.

Though I bet it’s fun if you’re the bloke who has to come up with the neo-blurb names for these crappy jobs. 🙂


5 Responses to “I’m A Bilateral Employment Synthesist (& a part-time Visual Representation Engineer)… What Are You?”

  1. “Regional Food Outsourcer for On-Demand Client Base”

    That won’t be my title for too much longer 🙂

  2. 🙂
    I’m pleased for you. You must be looking forward to turning in your Regional Food Outsourcers moped keys!

  3. Can I please have a better title than
    Landlady (yuk)
    or Licensee


  4. How about ‘CEO of Neighbourhood Imbibing Environment’? Does that sound any good? 🙂

  5. Yeah I could be a knight that goes NIE hahahahaha
    I like that, you have to be a Monty Python fan to get it I guess

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