the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

I’m Late…Catch Up With Me

I have been remiss in my posting of late. And I missed the last Cartoon Monday which I had not intended to do but as I was late getting home on the Bank Holiday after a weekend away time was unfortunately not on my side. Service will resume as normal this coming Monday. My apologies to anyone who actually likes them and missed it this week (if that’s you let me know – my cartooning ego needs stroking)Β  πŸ™‚

Work/Hell is busy and this week has seen BB2 claiming his new found membership of the mile high club that he allegedly joined last Friday during his flight to Prague for his mates stag party. According to BB2 he chatted up a “well fit bird” and just one hour in he was banging away in the toilet. WITH HER!

Needless to say BB1 does not believe him and of course has already joined the mile high club years ago on a flight to Zante for an 18-30 holiday. Funny how their lives blend so well! The last five days have been consumed by their arguing over who is telling the truth or not and for ways to prove it. They’ve yet to come up with a plan.

Personally I can’t find a reason why any girl, particularly a “well fit one” who would presumably have better options, would be so desperate for sex she would choose BB2. If she wanted it that badly there must surely have been at least one man willing and able to oblige who outstripped BB2 in every way. BB2 is challenged in so many ways it’s hard to list them. Plus when he is drunk he tends to dribble and spit when talking. He also has that thing where a small white foam builds up in the corners of his mouth as he speaks. I hate that. Also, his teeth are beige.

Anyway they are busy measuring the levels of their sexual prowess in any way you can think of short of shagging each other.

I am working through yet more dodgy CVs. Some girl has applied for a “secraterrys position” that she thinks she’s perfect for as she was responsible for the “stationary cuboard” at her last place of employment. Oh dear.

Another one said he was “great working as a team leader or visa versa“. I HATE THAT! It’s vice versa people! He apparently felt the more Latin phrases he could shoe horn into his letter the better:

“I have left my last post as business manager 3 months ago and have been working as a free lance consultant ad interim. I am a strong personality and a great leader of people. I am determined, passionate and have a real will to win. In business my motto is aut vincere aut mori.

I am highly proficient in all computer programs and am fully up to date with recent business laws. Ergo I am, in nuce, a perfect candidate for the post (ref: jb67a).

In life as in business I wring all I can from every situation. I try to live every day to the full pushing myself and my team to greater heights. Carpe Diem is a phrase that means a lot to me. It sums up my life view and how I feel business should be conducted.”

He went on… ad infinitum! This should be his motto “Latine Loqui Coactus Sum”. What an arse! Maybe that would be a good competition; who can write the most ridiculous CV ever. Or who can come up with neo-blurb names for jobs. What do you think?

Not much going on really. Enola has been quiet lately. Her and Trinity are happy and spend their time gossiping over Guy who at the moment is proving to be a big hit with the women of the family.

Unbelievably Littleboy has yet to be fired from his job at Tesco and is even enjoying it. He got his first pay and that cemented his opinion that working is not so bad. That it does have good points. Also I saw him chatting up a girl on the checkouts so currently benefits outweigh costs by a huge factor.

That’s the catch up for now. Later today Stupid Joke Friday will return so stay posted.

Ha ha, stay posted, a little blogging pun there πŸ™‚


5 Responses to “I’m Late…Catch Up With Me”

  1. Cartoon Monday always brings a smile to my face as did your above desciptions of bonking on planes and inept CV writers.

  2. Cool πŸ™‚

  3. I really enjoy the resumes. You cannot make up stuff that funny. Applying where I work only requires filling out an application. But we get our gggles over them as well. The other day a woman held out the daily paper and asked if I knew if there were job postings in it. What a go-getter , huh?

  4. That’s funny. Talk about a pro-active approach! πŸ™‚

  5. Stroke stroke, purrrrr purrrr

    consider ego stroked, now post man damn it..

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