the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

Operation Shockingly Poor

OK. Who watches the Eurovision Song Contest? I don’t. I hate it. The terrible candy-pop music sung by people who should at best be employed as jingle singers for Lidl or Aldi drives me mad. Take the UK entry this year; Scooch. Seriously is that what we want to represent our musical culture in the rest of Europe? If ever there was a group of people that explained the phrase ‘justifiable homicide’ then they are it.

Apart from the death-inducing music however there is the shockingly obvious political voting. The Balkan states vote for each other the Baltic Bloc too and also the Russian bloc take care of each other. Greece and Cyprus swap high points every year while studiously giving Turkey nothing.

Needless to say no one votes for the UK. Despite the UK trying their annual “no hard feelings” vote for Ireland the sentiment is rarely reciprocated.

The terrible thing is that UK is one of four automatic qualifiers alongside Germany, France and Spain. Because we put more money into Europe than anyone else ostensibly, yet really if ever the UK did not qualify and there was no patriotic reason for the usually intelligent people who end up watching the Contest to tune in maybe, just maybe they would no longer waste their time.

Given the current anti-British sentiment across most of the world it seems to me the only way to win is to do what we do best lately. Invade. Call on our trusted ally Dubya and go in with a “peace keeping force” and remove those elements who are not allowing the democratic voting process to go forward ,otherwise known as anyone who doesn’t agree with our governments and put a more sympathetic regime in place. Hell, we already have UN ambassador Geri Halliwell who could “sing” the song that would win the contest for us.

The only trouble would be Dubya’s insistence the US be allowed to take part. Yes they aren’t European but does Bush know that? Besides they are the inventors of the Baseball World Series.

Like Terry Wogan said, “We won the Cold War but lost the Eurovision.” But maybe that can be Gordon Browns first act as PM (don’t let me start on how much I don’t like him!). He could put it right for good old Terry.

“Operation: Shockingly Poor” the first phase of The War on Eurovision Rigged Political Systems… T.W.E.R.P.S.

Suitable acronym I think.


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