the blasts, the fallout, the sickness and the diar[y]hoea

Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Earwigging And A Mite Of An Itch

June 7, 2007

I was eavesdropping on folks out and about today, and hear are the latest odd things I over heard today. Two men in the park – “He’s not been sentenced yet though has he?” “No, but he’s looking at 18months, which is pretty good considering what….” A woman on the phone – “Well the smell’s […]

The Union Flag…It’s In The Name!

June 5, 2007

Gordon “the devil” Brown called for a Britain Day. For once I think he may be right about something, though it pains me to agree with the beady eyed little rat. I don’t like him. But the Britain Day is a good idea. He says we must reclaim the Union Flag from the far right […]

Rage Against The Beige… And Other Stories

May 21, 2007

I was in a shop today buying food. It was M&S for those detail dependent people out there. Checkout 3. I was at the end of the conveyor belt about to put my shopping on when an old woman comes from her checkout, where there was a price check delay and pushes past me asking, […]

Duck!! No It’s Not It’s A Pigeon

February 13, 2007

I was minding my own business in the office. All was quiet. Just the murmur of voices and the odd telephone ring when… BANG and then 5 seconds later BANG. I jumped out of my skin, BB’s 1 and 2 both yelped like little girls and Sourpuss dropped her coffee on her keyboard and screamed […]

Don’t Call Me, I’ll Not Call You

February 12, 2007

Some people are unbelievable!!! I received a CV from a man who is relatively high up in the management structure of his company. He’s dissatisfied in his current position blah blah blah. Looking for some new challenges etc. A good candidate really on paper and I had a couple of things in mind for him […]

An Effigy Of Oprah, Some Petrol And A Match Please

February 9, 2007

Oprah has a lot to answer for. Her brand of pseudo-religious personal growth has been the bane of my life for a while now. Along with Trisha and the irritating bloke who’s jumped on the Know-It-All-TV-Chat-Show-Host bandwagon, I can’t remember his name right now. Enola loves them all. When she’s not getting fit with Jade […]

Even The Pigeon Was Judging Me

February 7, 2007

Sitting on a bench in town today at lunch I found myself being harangued by a group of black clad, bible clutching loons. I was minding my own business, idly munching on a cheese sandwich just killing time until I had to head back to the dungeon office and the BB’s and Sourpuss when they […]

More From The C.V. Front

February 5, 2007

Below is a C.V. I received in the post today. The name has been changed to protect the moronic. I’m only grateful I’ve learned how to change font and colour so I can truly do this justice. CURRICULUM VITAE   COVER LETTER Name: Anne Oing Age: 34 Marital Status: Undefined Long-term Relationship Contact: tel – […]

Bed And Buried

February 3, 2007

I came home last night to find my bed covered in cushions. Not a big thing I hear you say, and maybe you are right. Yet when I say covered in cushions, I mean covered in cushions. An excess of cushions. It was the cushion mountain of Europe. It was, and I’m making up the […]

You Want A What?

January 30, 2007

The phone rings. I pick up the handset and say, “Hello, *****, Fatman speaking how may I help you?” The very picture of professionalism. A timid voice says, “Hello. I am Polish hand job seeker.” WTF? “I’m sorry, could you repeat that please?” “I am Polish hand job seeker please.” “OK. I think you may […]